Am I Sisyphus or Masochist?

I have recently, strangely, fallen in love with hill jogging/running/crawling. I arrive to Kin Canyon in Red Deer, walking and stretching as I approach the hill. I stand at the bottom and look up with affection. I know this hill. I love this hill. I know what is to come.

This is like foreplay.

I am full in the body, with attention flooding the breath and the belly I relax and prepare.

I start to jog up it's immediately steep slope, the path winding gently before coming to the halfway point where it becomes steeper yet. Here I dig in and push, with another 30 strides to the top. Thighs start to burn and the breath is short.

The last 10 strides are really tough, but because I can see the top, nothing can stop me. When I reach the flattened top I need to catch my breath, and that's all. When I can stand up straight I look around at the beautiful view, then immediately turn around and start the descent.

Even the descent is tough, but I am already preparing for what is to come. When I am at the bottom, I turn and look at the top, take a deep breath, and start again. This time I am stronger, more determined, more focused. Somehow this time is easier, even though it's harder.

It is here that it becomes obvious that the body knows what it is doing without any need of the thinking mind. In fact, thought is only an impediment.

The body has another kind of knowing, adjusting itself as needed. When attention is full in the body, functioning is effortless, efficient and accurate.

I jog up and down this hill at least 4 times, the last two are excruciating. When the mind is quite because it is no longer needed, the body does what it knows.

Like Sisyphus, I am destined to struggle to the top, only to decend and prepare to struggle to the top again. I am going nowhere, and it is easy to find joy in a journey that has no destination.

Like many of the tasks of Life, if we cannot find joy in the doing of them, we will eventually find out that they never really lead anywhere.

With Awakened Attention, every moment, every act is complete in itself, not going anywhere but always worthy of attention.

It's all we have.